helen's had many successes in the literary field, the vogel, the miles franklin, the asal medal, invitations to every literary festival in australia, (she was the darling of the conference circuit), commissions for magazines and overseas book contracts. she was also enrolled to do the master in creative writing at UQ under the guidance of jan hutchinson. i was in the same class, going back to uni to get a masters and to develop my animated cyberpoetry on computer as my research topic. helen was obviously writing her second novel. we became friends, she helped me with much of the literary theory that was new to me, and i helped her with being a convincing ethnic. not knowingly and that is the thing that hurts, that i was not sharing information with a friend, but that i was her research agenda.
half way through 1995, it was revealed in the courier mail, by david bentley, that her school headmaster had identified her as helen darville, the daughter of english migrants. it was a shocking day for me. i was teaching classes that day at griffith gold coast, and after driving from brisabane and reading the paper, i drove around in a daze for a while and the back to brisbane toi the catwalk club, a gentleman's lap-dance club(now there is an oxymoron) off on upper edward street, and got very drunk. it was a productive drunkness though, it produced a poem called 'i the writer' which became, without editing, my introductory chapter to my exegesis for my MA, got published in overland, and is online at jayne fenton keane's site, http://www. poetinresidence.com
worse was to come for helen when it was found she had plagiarised three short stories by brian mathews and their puiblication in republica. she came to my house to get brian mathew's fax in london just before the shit hit the fan, to see if she could avoid that happening - she couldn't.
i the writer
the poet the writer the person that others saw as a poet a writer a person that earned their living by writing had an idea an idea to be a student again a student of writing and so he wrote a proposal a thought an idea on paper and presented the idea to a professor and a panel of academics for approval for acceptance acceptance being of course a reason for the writer becoming a writer in the first place to seek acceptance to belong to this country this landscape this society this place this place where the writer the i the poet was born but was never made to feel a part of or never felt that he because a he he was he was born a he and a he he was undeniably and undoubtably because there was never any doubt ever in his mind of his he-ness just the proportions of his he-ness or at least the attention drawn to the proportions of the thing that linked him to all other hes his he-ness his penis was small his mother said to the doctor well not his penis his father would not approve of her saying penis or pregnant in front of children his glands his glands doctor they look well underdeveloped for his age doctor but doctor said they'd be o.k. and they were but he always thought they looked small a smallish he-ness never ever never no wishing for a her-ness just release from the harness of gender and classness this he-ness this writer this poet this i never felt part of this this so-called classlessness this blacklessness this genderlessness this loch-nessless bunyip land of milk and honey and cream brick houses on a quarter acre of land this land the i the writer the poet re-wrote to include himself in because he is a he he is a he who is a writer who sees things from a he point of view he who redefined the environment the atmosphere the landscape in which he could exist as a he and as a blackless he a blackless classless cuntless he he re-wrote re-interpreted the text the textures the yet to be expressed textness of this land and was accepted was accepted as a he that fitted into the he-scape he created the he-scape the he-text accepted him as a he in context he contextualized his blacklessness classlessness cuntlessness existence his text was accepted as a measure of acceptance acceptance of his status his context as a writer a poet a text generator a text experimenter in the context of this vast classlessness this sunburnt blacklessness this suck-my-cock cuntlessness was accepted to study writing to study again to create to reflect to comment on the text created as a writer as a problem solver as a traveler as a scholar as a student of creative writing new writing writing that engages that enrages that breaks conventions that challenges beliefs and defies definitions and traditions the i the writer the poet was accepted and by being accepted rejected the he he had been for that he the he he had been was a has been that he seemed like a stranger to him the writer the poet the i that wrote himself into the landscape into being into being accepted and was accepted as a student and as a student began to re-define the he he had been the he he called i the i that he wrote the i he thought i was because the i that writes is not the i that is written about for the i written about is never the i that writes but the i i thinks i is or the i i wants to be never he never i never the i that i is for in the context the he-text i writes within this lessness context this first world context this one world one globe context this well fed warm bed context this post berlin wall context this reconstructed marxist context this new world order context this solar powered environmentally friendly nuclear free context this post n.a.s.a. moon walk space probe intergalactic context this gloriously infinitesimal infinite infinity in the context of this infinity there is no absolute truth no absolute truth except that the i the i that writes the i that proposes proposals of study the i that is writing that i is finite that i has a beginning and an end known as birth and death and between birth and death there is life and having a beginning and an end and a life that i must have a middle and a mid life and that mid-life is also a part of the context the mid-life he finds himself in or tries to find him self in for i has a self as well as a he and a context a place a landscape and a blacknessless and a classlessness and a cuntnessless and a self that is neither he nor she nor it a self that doesn't want his cock sucked when he is depressed a self that is happy in being and a self that enjoys self makes problems for self and a self that enjoys solving those problems for self enjoys being by itself creating for itself a self comfortable with the infinity of the self a self masquerading as a he a mid-life he manifesting as the i i the poet i the writer i the he the midlife he the she-less he the she-less he he chose to be not for another she but to re-acquaint his self with he with i i the writer the poet to create a new context in which to exist to construct a new reality so that i could only place himself in the context of things to come not things that have passed the self is comfortable in the present can not be found in the past or the future i writes for the future creating a context for the self to be comfortable with when the future becomes present and he can be blamed for the past so the poet the writer the i began to write the dissertation the writing that would make a significant contribution to the genre the genre of writing called poetry and i called this writing cyberpoetry.